Sade's Secret Read online

  “Well, Calvin's not here. He just left. I suggest you call him on his cell phone.” Without another word, the female hung up on me.

  “No, that bitch didn't just hang up on me.” Pissed, I dialed the number again. This time, the woman didn't answer. I wanted to punch something. Where the hell was Calvin and who in the hell was this woman? I called the number again.

  The woman answered this time and said, “Look, I suggest you call your man and leave me out of this.”

  “The moment you slept with my man is the moment you got involved,” I snapped.

  “Calvin's not all that so you can have your man back,” the woman responded and hung up on me a second time.

  “You bastard. How could you?” I shouted. I cursed aloud while I removed Calvin's stuff out of the dresser and threw item after item on the floor. This was it. I can't take any more. I tried to hold on because I wanted Sade to have a father figure in her life, but enough was enough. I didn't stop until everything Calvin owned was in a pile in the living room or bedroom floor. By the time I finished wrecking havoc with his things, I was exhausted. Exhausted from the moving, crying, and yelling. All I could do at that point was fall on top of the bed. My eyes fell on the mess in the room.

  “Joyce, what are you doing with my stuff?” Calvin asked when he arrived home and saw a trail of his clothes from the living room to the bedroom floor.

  With bloodshot red eyes from crying, I looked him directly in his lying eyes. “I want you out of my house. How could you do this me? I've given you everything and cheating is how you repay me,” Joyce said, barely above a whisper.

  “Look. It's not what you think,” Calvin stuttered. “What had happened was...that's one of Mark's women. She should have told you that.” Calvin could barely look me in the eyes.

  I laughed, although inside I felt like crying. “Do you think I'm a fool?”

  “No, baby. I swear. I'm innocent this time,” Calvin said with a straight face.

  “I knew there was something going on. I just couldn't put my finger on it. You told me after the last time I caught you, that you wouldn't do it anymore.”

  “I'm not cheating on you, Joyce. I promise on five stacks of bibles.” Calvin moved his hand to show me the height. He was pathetic.

  Normally, Calvin was more defensive, got upset, and would curse, so maybe he was telling the truth. Maybe the woman was lying and I got things mixed up, I told myself.

  Calvin walked through the trail of clothes and sat down on the bed next to me. He caressed my back as he talked. “You're enough woman for me. I don't need to mess with anyone else.”

  “Calvin, if I find out you're lying, it's over. I mean it this time,” I said, between tears.

  Calvin smiled. We both knew that I would still be there for him, regardless of what he did. Calvin had cheated numerous times before and each time I forgave him and never kicked him out.

  With a smug look on his face, Calvin said, “Now clean this mess up, so when I get out the shower, I can show you how much I love you.”

  I watched Calvin walk away. He stumbled over the clothes as he made his way out of the room. I was in no mood to clean up the mess I made. I pushed all of his stuff to the side and into one pile and laid across the bed to wait for Calvin to return.

  Whoever the mystery woman on the other end of the phone from earlier was now irrelevant because Calvin was here with me and would soon be in my bed.

  ~6~

  SADE

  I don't know what was in the punch this guy gave me, but it had me feeling tipsy. I should have known something was a little off when he kept insisting that I drink it. “I don't know what's in this, but it's good,” I slurred.

  Crystal seemed to come from nowhere and was all in my face. “Girl, I think you better leave the punch alone.” Crystal fanned her hand. “That's why I don't like some house parties. Too much drinking and smoking going on for me.”

  “Party pooper,” I said as Crystal led me away from the older guy who clearly was trying to take advantage of my drunken state.

  “Your mama is going to kill you when she finds out you've been drinking.”

  “My mama's not going to find out because I'm not going to tell her.”

  “Come on, it's almost one and Jada's ready to go.”

  “Well, I'm not. I sort of liked what's his face.”

  “Sade, he's too old for you.” Crystal continued to pull me towards the front door.

  “He's only nineteen. I've been with older.”

  “Huh. What did you say? I thought you were a virgin?” Crystal asked.

  I laughed. I guess I did have too much to drink. I stumbled alongside Crystal as we continued to walk through the crowd of people to the car. “I haven't been a virgin in so long.”

  “Well, you're my girl and I know for a fact that he's bad news.”

  “Rodrick's bad news too, so what. I sure know how to pick them.”

  Crystal asked, “So when did you lose your virginity?”

  “Can we change the subject?” I asked. Crystal really knew how to spoil a night with her annoying questions.

  Crystal helped me get into the back of Jada's car. Jada turned around and looked at her. “Hope your mama don't blame me for you being tore up.”

  I laughed. Crystal looked at me like I was crazy. Everything anyone said made me laugh. I couldn't help myself. I had the giggles. As Jada drove, I could feel every bump she hit as she dodged in and out of the late night Dallas traffic. My hand went to my stomach. “Ooh, I don’t feel good.”

  “You better not throw up in my car is all I know,” Jada yelled and looked at me in the rearview mirror.

  Crystal said, “I think ol' dude spiked her drink with something. Good thing I saw what was going on because otherwise there's no telling what him and his friends would have tried to do.”

  I agreed and would have to thank Crystal letter, but for now, I had other things on my mind. “Pull over,” I yelled.

  Jada pulled over to the side of the road. I barely got the door open in time when all my insides seemed to pour out as I puked on the pavement.

  Crystal yelled, “How gross?” Crystal passed me some tissue.

  I took the tissue and wiped my mouth. I threw the tissue out, then got back fully in the car and closed the door.

  Jada steered the car back on the road and continued towards our destination. First stop, my apartment complex. I rolled my eyes at Jada when she said, “Ewe. Crystal, give her a mint or something 'cause her breath smells foul.”

  I started to say something, but the pain in my stomach stopped me. I hoped we could make it home without me having to throw up again. With Jada's attitude, if I did have to throw up, I wouldn't even ask her to pull over. I would handle my business right here in the backseat of her car. The thought of it gave me the giggles and I started laughing aloud.

  Jada yelled, “What's so funny?” Jada looked at Crystal. “Your girl’s drunk as I don't know what.”

  I had calmed down by the time we made it to my apartment. Apparently, Crystal wasn't too sure of my sobriety because she insisted on helping me out of the back of Jada's car when she stopped.

  “I'll be right back,” Crystal said as she helped me out of the car.

  “We need to be real quiet. Hopefully, my mom will be sleep,” I said as my giggles returned. I noticed as we walked up the walkway to the bricked apartment building how the wear and tear of the building seemed to show even through the moonlit night.

  No matter how many times maintenance painted the walls in the hallway; some of the neighborhood kids would draw graffiti back on them. The artists were good, but some of the things they painted weren't attractive. They were more concerned about representing their gang affiliation.

  As Crystal and I walked up, some of the neighborhood drug dealers whistled. “You need some help. I can help you get her home,” one of the guys who was about our age said to Crystal.

  “I got this,” Crystal responded. Crystal turned to me, “I don't
trust any of them so I'll get you to the front door, but afterwards, you're on your own,” Crystal said as she continued up the stairs with me to my apartment.

  “I'm alright. See.” I moved my arm away from Crystal and attempted to walk a straight line. I almost fumbled over my own feet.

  Crystal caught me just in time. “Go directly to your room when you get in and pretend that you're sleep if your mama comes in afterwards.”

  “Okay, Crystie. You're my bestest friend ever. I love youuu,” I said.

  “Shh. We're outside your door.”

  “Okey dokey. Bye Crystie.” I gave Crystal a tight hug.

  Crystal took my purse and got my keys out. She unlocked the door and said to me, “Remember what I said. Go straight to your room.”

  “Okay. I will.” I walked in the apartment, shut the door, and secured the lock.

  When my eyes adjusted to the semi-darkness, the light from the hallway shined enough light in the living room for me to see, I smiled. I smiled because there in the living room piled on the floor were Calvin's clothes. My mom finally woke up and saw Calvin for the devil that he was. He would be out of our hair and I could celebrate my freedom. Now things could get back to how they were before he came into our lives. I could get my mom back. I celebrated silently within my head.

  My mind was on celebrating as I stumbled towards my bedroom. I stopped dead in my tracks when I came face-to-face with the devil. What is he doing here? I wanted to scream. I thought my mom had finally come to her senses and kicked his ass out.

  “Let me help you to your room. We wouldn't want to wake your mama up, now would we?” Calvin said, with an evil grin across his face.

  I opened my mouth to protest, but nothing came out. It was like I was having an out of body experience as Calvin helped me to my room. My room wasn't big, but it was mine. I had a twin size bed with a pink comforter because pink was my favorite color. My walls were decorated with posters of Lil' Wayne, Drake, and Usher, among other celebrities I admired.

  I wished one of them could save me. No, I screamed from the inside as he led me to the bed. “You shouldn't sleep in that,” he stated.

  “I'm okay.” I fell back on top of the covers.

  “No, you aren't. I can smell the alcohol and weed smoke on you and if I can smell it, your mama will be able to do so too.”

  Calvin was right, but I needed him to leave so I could get out of my clothes. Why was he still here? I thought to myself. Before I could react, he was helping me out of my clothes. It's like I was watching someone else as he not only removed mine, but his too.

  “Calvin, please don't do this. I'm tired. I don't feel good,” I protested.

  “I know exactly how to make you feel good,” he said as he ignored my plea.

  I didn't have the energy to fight him off, so I became an unwilling, but willing participant as Calvin violated my body for an unnumbered time. Calvin was getting reckless because my mom was only a few feet away, I thought to myself as I drifted in and out of conscious.

  ~7~

  JOYCE

  The alarm buzzed at six o'clock on the dot waking me out of my sound sleep. Seeing Calvin next to me brought a smile to my face. Even though the alarm clock was loud, Calvin didn't stir. He could sleep through anything, I thought as I slipped out of bed so I could get dressed for work.

  The mess from the previous night made me frown. I really didn't feel like cleaning it up so while I'm at work, I'll have Sade clean it up for me. I had been so wrapped up in the drama with Calvin; I forgot to check on Sade to see what time she made it home. Calvin had put it on me last night. I smiled as I thought about it. His love was so good and he had worked my body in so many positions that by the time we were through with our lovemaking, I slept like a baby.

  During the night, I thought I heard moans coming from another part of the house, but after I determined it was a dream, I slipped back into a deep sleep and didn't wake up again until the alarm went off at six. After getting dressed, I looked in on Sade.

  “That child sleeps so wild,” I said to myself. “And she needs to start sleeping with clothes on too.” I picked up the pink comforter off the floor and draped it on top of Sade's body. Sade stirred, but didn't wake up.

  I kissed my girl on the forehead and then left out of the room, being careful not to slam the door. I forgot my keys so I returned to my bedroom. I paused for a moment while in the doorway and watched Calvin sleep.

  “I love you so much, Calvin. Please don't mess up what we have by sleeping with another woman. I don't know how much more of this I can take.”

  I grabbed my keys off the nightstand and then headed to work. After working my ten-hour shift, I returned home and the same clothes that were thrown in the living room the night before was still there.

  “Sade!” I yelled.

  “What?” Sade yelled back.

  “Girl, don't 'what' me. Why didn't you clean up the living room like I told you?” I made a straight beeline to her room.

  Sade was underneath her pink comforter almost in the same position I left her this morning.

  “I'm not feeling well. I've been in bed all day,” Sade responded.

  “Well, what's wrong with you?” I asked. Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on her because she did look a hot mess. Sade's eyes were puffy, but I still couldn't tell from looking at her what was wrong.

  “I don't know. I've been feeling like this all day.”

  “You should have said something when I called you earlier.” Sade could be so elusive with me at times. I don't know if it's because of her being a teenager or what.

  “I did, but you had already hung up.”

  “Child, well, get yourself together. I'll be in your room to check on you.” I left Sade alone and headed to my bedroom.

  Calvin was nowhere in sight. I was on the verge of getting upset. The only thing that stopped my blood pressure from rising was the fact that I noticed he had cleaned up our bedroom. Too bad he hadn't done the same for the living room.

  I retrieved the cordless phone from the cradle and dialed Calvin's cell number, but not to my surprise, his phone went to voice mail.

  I would deal with Calvin later. I need to take care of that mess in the living room. Just because we lived in the projects, didn't mean my apartment had to resemble the outside. I worked hard to ensure that we had nice things within my apartment. No, my furniture was no longer new, but it was mine and I kept it in good condition. I hated a messy apartment, but because I caused the mess and Sade was sick, as tired as I was from my ten-hour shift, I cleaned up.

  I called Calvin again after cleaning up the living room and still no answer. Frustrated, I got out of my work clothes and showered to help release some of the tension.

  I was surprised to see Calvin waiting for me in the bedroom.

  “Hey, baby,” Calvin said as he greeted me with a hug and kiss.

  The tension that I had released in the shower immediately took over my body. “I called you,” I snapped.

  “I know. Didn't call you back because I was right around the corner from the house,” Calvin responded.

  With a raised eyebrow, I responded, “Uh. Okay.”

  “Come on now. Don't be having an attitude with me. I'm home, ain't I?”

  I rolled my eyes. I really wasn't in the mood. I hoped this wasn't going to be a repeat of the night before. “Whatever, Calvin. You need to answer your phone when I call. You don't know why I was calling.”

  “Well, I figured if it was an emergency, you would have called me back,” he responded.

  “Why didn't you tell me Sade wasn't feeling well?”

  “You know I don't be all up in her business like that,” Calvin snapped.

  “Well, y'all in the same house. You hadn't seen her today so you should have checked in on her.” I walked passed him to the closet so I could get my clothes and get dressed.

  “I'm not a babysitter.”

  “I thought you loved Sade.”

  “I do, baby. I do.
I love Sade just as much as I love you.” Calvin walked up behind me and hugged me tight.

  “Well, I want you to act like it and act more concerned about her.” I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feel of Calvin's tight embrace.

  “Anything for you, baby,” Calvin responded.

  Sade was almost sixteen so she would be all right, I told myself as I spent the rest of the evening hugged up with Calvin in bed.

  ~8~

  SADE

  I spent the majority of the weekend over the toilet. The spiked punch from Friday night did a number on my stomach. After this terrible weekend, I would never ever take another drink again. Before I laid down again, I got up and removed my diary from under my mattress. My hand ran across the pink cover I had made before I opened it up to write about this past weekend's events. My phone rang several times, but I ignored the calls as I expressed my thoughts on what I called the secret pages of my life.

  I once saw on a talk show that writing about your thoughts will help you cope with your life situations. With all I had going on, I needed to be able to express myself. Writing in my diary helped me cope.

  My phone rang again. Since I didn't have anything else to write about, I put my diary to the side and answered. The call went to voice mail before I could answer. I scrolled through my call log and saw several missed calls from Rodrick, Crystal, and Dena. Rodrick could kick rocks. Every time I heard his voice on my voicemail, I hit the seven button and erased them.

  After clearing out my messages, I dialed Crystal's number. After exchanging pleasantries, I said, “Thanks for checking on me. I'm all right. Just been throwing up all weekend.”

  “Dena and I were worried about you. I told her about what happened Friday after we left the dance.”

  “I'll call her in a minute.”

  “So, you're going to be at school tomorrow?” Crystal asked.

  “I plan on it. I haven't picked up a book all weekend so I hope we don't have any pop quizzes.”

  “What you going to do about Rodrick?”

  “Nothing. Rodrick can kiss my butt. I've watched my mom deal with a no good man and I'm not going to put up with one.”